


We’ll Never Get Those Moments Back (Maybe This Was the Way It Was Meant to Be)

by layalee



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, F/M, Five Plus One, Heavy Angst, Olicity is my OTP, Oliver Queen POV, So much angst, Sorry Not Sorry, Spoilers for seasons 1-3, mostly canon compliant, olicity - Freeform, season 1-3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 20:02:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5018509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/layalee/pseuds/layalee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were many moments in which Oliver Queen could have confessed his love for Felicity Smoak, but only five were truly significant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We’ll Never Get Those Moments Back (Maybe This Was the Way It Was Meant to Be)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovely readers! This is something I've been toying with for a while; I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Disclaimer: Arrow and its characters and plotline do not belong to me. Rights belong solely to DC and the CW. Even if I do borrow them for my entertainment way too much.

There were many moments in which Oliver Queen could have confessed his love for Felicity Smoak. There were many instances that were perfect for him to finally tell her the truth, the truth that has been building up, gaining strength, brimming beneath the surface. There were many moments, but only five were truly significant.

 

**One ----- >**

The Glades was going to fall around them. It was a race to find the device and turn it off, saving countless lives.

But humans are flawed, and there are people they care about more deeply than others. People whose faces were engraved on the back of one’s eyelids.

And so Oliver Queen looked intently at Felicity Smoak and told her, “I want you out of here.” He didn’t say what he was truly thinking… _I can’t lose you._

But Felicity was Felicity, and she stayed, just like he knew she would.

It made worry gnaw at his insides, but he knew she would be safest if they found the device and disabled it. So he let her stay, even he wanted to beg her to go.

But he was too late. They disabled one device, but the other detonated and… Tommy died. And all Oliver could see, mixed in with the horrible memories of Tommy’s last moments, were sudden flashes of images of Felicity hurt just the same. He couldn’t shake the images, and fear clawed at his insides at the possibility of losing her.

After the Glades fell, he should have stayed and told her how he really felt. Even if he wasn’t sure what this swirl of emotion and burst of color he felt every time he saw her meant. He didn’t know, not really, but he had an inkling, borne of the intense connection he has to her, the many strings tying him intrinsically to her.

He should have stayed and told her how he felt. But instead he ran away.

 

**Two ----- >**

When one is away from home, everything suddenly becomes more intense, more exciting, more adventurous. It just simply is _more_.

But when good feelings are heightened, so are bad feelings. Sadness becomes sorrow. Pain becomes anguish. And disappointment… Well, disappointment becomes a stab to the heart.

So when Oliver opened his hotel door to see Felicity standing there, with all her radiance that instantly made him think of sunshine, warmth glowing from her eyes… Well, Oliver’s heart stopped. But it wasn’t because she was beautiful – although she was, amazingly so. It wasn’t because seeing her always filled him with peace – although it did, every single time. No, it was because he felt shame at what he had done with Isabel Rochev.

When the woman he had just slept with – it didn’t mean anything; it just happened – walked out of his hotel room, her dress unzipped at the back, Oliver froze, so afraid of what was to come. Because hurting Felicity was the last thing he _ever_ wanted to do.

Felicity turned bewildered yet disappointed eyes at him. It hit him like a wrecking ball, a punch to the gut, the final blow to a man already down.

It was too intense. His heart clenched and the only thing that could leave his lips was her name.

But it wasn’t enough. Because she turned around and walked away.

When they returned back to Starling City and she demanded an explanation, Oliver should have taken the opportunity to confess the feelings that were steadily but surely growing for the blonde IT-girl-turned-executive-assistant.

Instead he told her that because of the life that he leads, he couldn’t be with someone that he could really care about. He didn’t add that _she_ was the person on his mind when he made this decision. He didn’t say that he cared for her too deeply to put her in harm’s way, more than she already is by helping Starling City’s vigilante.

He didn’t say the words he knew would lift the sadness and disappointment from her eyes. So he let her walk away again. And he remained silent.

**Three ----- >**

There is nothing worse than seeing the woman you love being threatened, except perhaps her begging you to not do the one thing that could save her life.

But the Count had a syringe full of a lethal dose of Vertigo aimed at Felicity’s neck.

Oliver didn’t think. Oliver didn’t process. Oliver just reacted.

It was pure instinct mixed with a frightening amount of rage that made him reach back into his quiver and grab an arrow, nock it to his bow, and shoot at the Count’s chest. Then he grabbed another arrow. And then another.

His movements were a blur. One second he was looking into Felicity’s frightened yet determined eyes and the next, the Count was falling out of the window of Queen Consolidated’s highest level, with Felicity pushed to the ground, out of harm’s way.

And Oliver could finally breathe for the first time after that heart-stopping phone call, for the sole reason that she was safe.

Later, Felicity thanked him and surprised him by apologizing to him. He didn’t expect this moment but it felt like his chance to tell her that he loved her. That he would do anything, _anything_ , to protect her.

Oliver took a hold of her hand and parted his lips, preparing to finally tell the blonde genius how he felt.

Instead, he told her that there was no choice to make.

Once again, Oliver walked away, hoping she’d hear what he didn’t have the courage to say.

 

**Four ----- >**

Jealousy was an ugly feeling. There was a reason why they called it the green-eyed monster; it was because it took over one’s system, clouding everything, making envy simmer beneath one’s surface, causing rage to pool in one’s gut.

Oliver Queen didn’t want to admit that he was jealous of Barry Allen. And in a way, he wasn’t. He wasn’t jealous of the boy per se; it was more of the easy way he and Felicity interacted. Of how simple their flirtation could lead to a relationship. It was uncomplicated. Safe.

And safe was the one thing Oliver couldn’t offer Felicity. Not with his nighttime activities. Not even with his constant appearance in the public eye.

When Oliver snapped at Felicity, telling her to get her head out of Central City, he hated himself even as he was doing it. Seeing the sudden flash of pain in Felicity’s eyes was almost too much to handle. But he didn’t stop, he continued hurting her; he didn’t know _why_ , but he just needed her to _know_ that he cared more than he was saying. More than he could ever afford to admit.

When he finally decided to apologize to her, he stared down at his quiver, his hands trembling over the tabletop. The possibility filtered through his mind, _What if I tell her now?_

His heart thudded. His gut wrenched with apprehension.

But he couldn’t do it. It wasn’t the right time. And besides that, Felicity deserved more than an admission extracted out of jealousy of another man.

So instead of telling her the words that were burning his insides, begging to _finally_ be let out, Oliver told Felicity that he relied on her. That she was his partner.

And even though it killed him to say it, he told her that maybe Barry was dreaming of her. He said it because that was what Felicity needed, and even though the words tasted like acid on his tongue, he would _always_ put her needs above his.

But it was another opportunity lost.

When Oliver walked away from Felicity that night, it was with a heavy heart and stinging eyes.

 

**Five ----- >**

Unthinkable.

It ran on a loop in his head.

Unthinkable.

He should have been focused on making sure that everything went according to plan. He should have been watching out for Roy and Sara and Digg, having their backs while fighting off the Mirakuru men. He should have been focused 100% on Slade’s crazy rant.

But instead the one blaring thought in his mind was this: unthinkable.

Oliver used Felicity as bait. He knowingly put her in harm’s way. He sent her into the lion’s den, knowing full well that this plan was not fool-proof.

Unthinkable was an understatement.

If something had happened to her… If Slade had somehow won and Felicity was hurt… Oliver would not have survived that.

That was the only excuse he gave himself for letting yet another opportunity pass by without telling Felicity how he truly felt towards her. He was still reeling from the possibility of almost losing her, that he couldn’t bear the thought of shifting their dynamic to something unknown. He wasn’t ready to delve into foreign territory, without actually knowing for sure if Felicity reciprocated his feelings – even though he more than suspected the truth.

His heart almost stopped when Felicity told him that for a moment, she thought he might have meant his words at the mansion… _I love you. Do you understand?_         

He was so close to telling her that he _did_ mean it, that his trick only worked on Slade because it was true. But then she gave him an out, on that beach on Lian Yu, with the sun shining on her hair, and he took it. He told her that they both sold it.

And then they went home. And although Oliver was just as regretful as all the other times he had passed up the opportunity to tell Felicity that he loved her… This time, this time his regrets were bittersweet.

 

**Plus One ----- >**

There’s a reason why people say “do things before it’s too late”. You can have second chances, even third chances, but at some point, there are no more chances available. There is no more time. Because it’s too late.

Time is a funny thing, because you never realize you need more of it until you’ve used it all up. You never realize that you shouldn’t have let all those opportunities pass by you because now, you’re standing there with your fists clenched and your heart in your stomach, praying for one more minute.

Oliver waited too long. He didn’t confess his feelings; over and over again, he brushed them aside, thinking a better chance would pop up, that there would be a “right time” to tell Felicity. But the right time came and went, and now he found himself standing in an alleyway behind Verdant, his system in shock and his heart broken.

Felicity was in every fiber of his being, in every thought that filtered through his mind, in every decision he made. She was always there. He never let go of her. And now… It was his fault that _she_ let go of _him_.

Because when their love was finally confessed, it wasn’t Oliver Queen telling Felicity Smoak. No, it was Felicity who said the words.

But she didn’t say that she loves him. She looked up at him, determination and anguish battling for dominance in her eyes, and said, “I don’t want to be a woman that you love.”

 And that was the most heartbreaking confession of all.

Oliver stood there, unable to move, frozen in place from the instance she said those words, and thought, “We’ll never get those moments back.”

He didn’t move for a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> DON'T HATE ME!  
> I really wanted to end it on a happy note, but Oliver was stubborn. You know him and his brooding tendencies.
> 
> So this fic sooort of disregards Oliver's confessions in 3x01 and 3x09. In case you were wondering.
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think, so don't be shy and drop me a line!


End file.
